Marriage & Relationship Counseling

This page has to start somewhere, just as every relationship does. In my room I feel I only provide relational counseling whether you are an individual in my room or not. I am unsurprised when I hear the narrative 'I was told to come'. That is a norm in this room. I frequently work with couples as individuals or in the room together. I do both. I am not shy about acknowledging the fact that a couple coming to me together in the same room is already a dual relationship. I am my own being in a room with a couple just as I am in a room with a sole other. My work is based in navigating relationships. To say that a dual relationship makes our work somehow less ethical is simply not true when that is the nature of being in relationship period. It is my burden to navigate that, not yours, even if I do make certain documentation asks when working with couples. Just like I have to navigate this, you also have to navigate Boundaries & Being in Relationship. 

• One: I want a release of compliance so that I may talk to the other freely. I offer this to families and kids and parents and every person that walks through my door. This is a standard, not just with couples. 

• Two: Just as with parents and kids, I believe in total confidentiality, This is part of my informed consent and something I verbalize in session 0. 

• Three: I am supposedly trained to navigate disclosure or nondisclosure. The state puts limits and mandates on reporting out that are focused in societal care. My mandate starts where my capacity to provide care ends. 

I will pick sides and I will do it frequently. Life is situated. I have a side. You have a side. Your partner has a side. The state has a side. Your family has a side. Do you see my point? Its about relationships, right? Everyone has to have say. Autonomy is heavily rooted in embodiment, coregulation, and societal scripts for how care functions. 

You do not have to be palatable to your partner. I am not joking, 69% of issues cannot be resolved in relationships. That is a legit number, not just funny, haha. Though, I seriously doubt Gottsman isn't pulling one over on our professional community. Relationships do not have to be rooted in shared anything and holy shit you would be surprised. I align with the field for once when I say a strong relational foundation, core value alignment, and pleasure within the relationship are key. This is a plug for Premarital Counseling.  

Infidelity is a clinical interest for me in the sense that it is an action that meets a need that is not being met. I want to get curious on both sides and allow each side to have their curiousity too. Infidelity is self defined and if we've never had that conversation how can we be held to any standard. I am not here to police what that standard is, truly it is self defined. 

Betrayal trauma is when a fundamental relational agreement or survival need is violated, triggering a severe trauma and attachment response. This does not always follow from infidelity. 

Nontraditional relationships are also an interest for me. Rather, a fact of life. I am signalling the poly crowd or nonmonogamy folx, but holy shit what is not a relationship you can have I love exploring those. 

Sometimes things end and thats what it is. I won't define it. What I want you to know is, yes, I could recieve a signed court mandate to share clinical documentation. I am not ignorant of that fact. This case work, potential conflict mediation or just mediation in general, and time spent working with courts or documentating are not tack on fees, they are facts of my work. Again, I do not verify income or ask you to perform that labor. Financial hardship often pairs with separation, and that's totally okay here. 

It is also importnat to note Mediation and Conflict Resolution as a service in this practice. This is run of the mill for me. Conflict is a favorite of mine. It is just part of my work whether it is a couple or an agency. 

Substance use comes up a lot in relationships. Bring it on. This hedges into care and labor. Who performs the labor. Who performs the care. Who holds the power. Who holds the burden. Is there resentment? Is one of you better than the other? Hell yes, you are my folx. 

Power Dynamics are incredibly important to distinguish within relationships and I am very comfortable doing so. Power dynamics, relational safety. and intimacy come before gratification.

This is me crosslinking to Parenting, New Parents, and Family Dynamics. Hey, families exist; this is where i crosslink Family-Focused Therapy, and Family Therapy which are distinct. 

Here are some theories I use:

• Relational & Systems: Using Family Systems Theory, Relational Cultural Theory (RCT), and Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) to look at how nervous systems interact and co-regulate.

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Helping partners identify their own protective parts and reactive triggers before projecting them onto their partner.

• Person-Centered & Existential: Integrating Gestalt Therapy for present-moment awareness and Phenomenological Therapy to honor each partner's distinct lived reality.

• Action-Oriented Tools: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for values clarification, Motivational Interviewing (MI) for ambivalence, and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) for concrete relational goals.